The Complicated Sex Lives of Elves

I've met a number of famous people. I'll likely namedrop a few in future blogs, but as a Lord of the Rings fan, an evening chatting to Orlando Bloom was quite the prospect.

I was in Los Angeles, hosting a fundraising event at the British Consulate. Orlando had been invited along by our mutual friend, Sir Ken Robinson, and I'd promised Ken to act cool and not geek out and turn every conversation to Tolkien...

I've always had a thing for Elves - noble, clever, skilful, gorgeous. I've fancied Arya in Christopher Paolini's Inheritance Cycle; had a crush on Anya in Davis Ashura's Instrument of Omens series; and was besotted with Arwen (Liv Tyler's movie version) in LOTR [I know Arwen was only a peripheral character in the books].

Whilst I was jealous of the camaraderie and burgeoning friendship between Legolas and Gimli in Lord of the Rings, I'd never fancied any male elf. Then I met...

Legolas, a Sindarin Elf, part of the Fellowship of the Ring in the Third Age. Son of the Elvenking Thranduil of Mirkwood, with keen eyesight, sensitive hearing, and excellent bowmanship.

And...

Orlando, a male human elf actor, part of the Fellowship of the Ring (in the Movies). Son of Sonia of Kolkata, with beautiful brown eyes (though he wore blue contacts in LOTR and the Hobbit), and excellent bowmanship (probably).

Fandom questions weren't on the agenda as I was being professional in leadership of a global charity. Orlando was kind and knowledgeable from his years as a UNICEF ambassador. However, it was more than just his intelligence and elfen looks that linked him to the pointy eared mainstays of fantasy fiction... His love life was also of great interest to readers...

I'd been warned not to mention the tabloid gossip rebounding around our planet that day featuring Orlando and Selena Gomez. I was told not to mention that they'd been photographed allegedly canoodling in Las Vegas... Firstly I wouldn't have known about the gossip if 'they'd' not told me; Secondly I couldn't care less who canoodles who (though it is a good word); and thirdly who is Selena Gomez? is she an Elf of Rivendell?

It made me realise, Elves are the tabloid fodder of fiction. They are beautiful, which is always great for imaginary relationships, but we, both authors and readers, seem to genuinely be intrigued by their sex lives. Why do Elves get romance in fantasy and other races don't. I don't see too many sexy orc costumes on social media (or I hadn't until I researched this blog), and I haven't read about too many dwarven love triangles (not a recommended thing to type into a google search).

Elves on the other hand always make a good love interest, particularly for human characters.

There often appears an Elf King or Elder that threatens to disenfranchise a younger elf for pursuing an emotional relationship with a human. It's taboo! Is this an allegory that points out the dated and morally bankrupt antipathy to mixed race relationships? Is it an allegory that points out the unfair social protectionism engineered by the wealth holders and upper classes? Well, if so authors still need to write these stories...

Elves and humans should 'get it on' much more often in my opinion. It can only help further breakdown the taboos of inter-race and even interfaith relationships, as well as help attack the class snobbery of those staid, fuddy duddy old timer elves that so look down upon us humans... I'm talking to you Estin, Riyne, and Princess Enma (Read 'Testament of Steel' by Davis Ashura).

I love Fantasy as it is a place were different and important themes can be covered. There is still a snobbery that exists in literary circles, but I think it's both undeserved and bewildering. Just because the setting may be unfamiliar doesn't mean that the issues aren't relevant to the core humans sphere. In fact a good fantasy novel has to be relatable, regardless of its fantastical elements. I mean, I'm a fantasy fan, and I'm biased, but I think that's true.

Fantasy fiction tends to revolve around the universal themes of love and hate, war and peace, as well as cranky dragons and grumpy dwarfs. The sex lives of elves happily sit in the mix, and like the relationships of humans it is the complexity that makes them relatable regardless of their different anatomy (I mean ears here obviously).

It is important that character interactions are complex, so for me, it's a thumbs up for the complicated sex lives of Elves.